


fate don't know you like i do

by Kaslyna



Category: Penny Dreadful (TV)
Genre: 2.10 AU, F/M, First Time, Porn with Feelings, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 04:18:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15788817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaslyna/pseuds/Kaslyna
Summary: "Ethan does think. He thinks about what he’s done-the inn and Sembene in particular, and the guilt he harbors for both crimes. He thinks about Vanessa, and her acceptance of him. Would she accept him if she knew the extent of his transgressions, he wonders? Ethan is not sure he has ever been someone that could be called a good man, but Vanessa seems to think him so. He doesn’t think he’ll ever have that much faith in himself.Vanessa. So strong, and yet so fragile; Ethan has never known anyone like her. He is drawn to her in a way beyond desire, beyond the explainable; it is instinct, to be around her. To be with her. But she deserves so much more than him; she deserves someone who truly could be called a good man. A good man would not hesitate like Ethan is to confess his crimes and turn himself in; a good man would not decide what he does: to go back and offer his heart to her in return."Or, what if Ethan had stayed instead of turning himself in during the season two finale?





	fate don't know you like i do

**Author's Note:**

> Fullmoonrisin also asked for a fic about Ethan staying, and I was planning to do this anyways, so here y'all go. I will be continuing this; I don't know when I will be able to, I'm taking 20 credits of classes this semester and have a lot of other real life stuff going on so bear with me. I can promise that I will not end a chapter on a cliffhanger unless I am certain that I will post the next one in a timely fashion. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy!

Ethan does think. He thinks about what he’s done-the inn and Sembene in particular, and the guilt he harbors for both crimes. He thinks about Vanessa, and her acceptance of him. Would she accept him if she knew the extent of his transgressions, he wonders? Ethan is not sure he has ever been someone that could be called a good man, but Vanessa seems to think him so. He doesn’t think he’ll ever have that much faith in himself.

 

Vanessa. So strong, and yet so fragile; Ethan has never known anyone like her. He is drawn to her in a way beyond desire, beyond the explainable; it is instinct, to be around her. To be with her. But she deserves so much more than him; she deserves someone who truly _could_ be called a good man. A good man would not hesitate like Ethan is to confess his crimes and turn himself in; a good man would not decide what he does: to go back and offer his heart to her in return.

 

Ethan knocks softly on her door, waits a moment, and then enters. His heart aches at the sight of Vanessa asleep on top of her blankets, half dressed and moving restlessly like she is caught in some kind of nightmare. He closes the door behind him and walks as quietly as he can to her bed, kneeling beside it so he is at eye level with her troubled face.

 

“Vanessa,” he murmurs; he would rather not startle her with his presence, no matter how he feels about waking her. The last thing she needs is more fear.

 

He watches as the furrow in her brow and the frown on her lips deepen for a moment. Then her eyelids started to flutter and finally her eyes open, blinking sleepily at him. When she registers his presence her entire body seems to relax, a small smile forming. She doesn’t say anything, content to simply wait for him to say whatever he woke her up for.

 

When he isn’t immediately forthcoming, a pensive look takes over her face and she asks, “What’s wrong?”

 

“I’m not-I did something terrible, Vanessa,” he admits, “Worse than what I did to Sembene.”

 

“I gathered,” her tone is cautious, but there is no hint of judgment in it, “By the bounty hunter who tried to kill us.”

 

Ethan winces at the reminder, “I killed a lot of people. Innocent people, mainly.”

 

“Whatever you did, that wasn’t you,” her voice is so soft he almost doesn’t hear it, but then she’s moving and placing a hand gently on his face. He closes his eyes and leans into it.

 

“I can’t-I don’t have control over it,” he lets out a shaky breath, “I don’t want to hurt you. I couldn’t lose you.”

 

“You won’t. I don’t think you could,” she tells him, “Do you not remember running away from me?”

 

“Just because I became aware for a moment doesn’t guarantee it’ll happen again,” he argues.

 

“I’ll be okay, Ethan. We’ll be okay.”

 

He swallows past an unexpected lump in his throat before he begins, “There’s an inspector, at Scotland Yard, that’s after me. We need to leave here soon.”

 

“So we will,” she answers quickly.

 

He nods, and looks at her again. Vanessa’s hand is still on Ethan’s cheek, and he shifts to place a tender kiss to her palm, feeling the way she shivers slightly at the contact.

 

“Lay with me?” she asks, and her voice sounds so small, trembling as she voices the question.

 

“Of course,” his reply is equally soft, and she smiles at him before letting go of his face to make room for him on her bed.

 

Ethan shucks off his shoes and then climbs in beside her. After a brief and playful argument he convinces her that they should get _under_ the blankets instead of lying on top of them. When they’ve settled, she entwines herself with him as closely as she can, the soft warm puffs of her breath against his neck lulling him into the deepest sleep he’s had in years.

 

-o-o-o-

 

Ethan wakes up alone again. It takes him a moment to get his bearings and realize where he is. The fading sunlight illuminates Vanessa’s room in an almost ethereal glow. He lies there quietly for a while before getting up and putting his shoes back on. Ethan makes the bed and closes the door behind him. He can hear the soft murmur of voices downstairs, and follows them.

 

He finds Vanessa in the parlor with Malcolm, fully dressed once more. Their conversation seems strained and dies as soon as he enters. He shoots Malcolm a curious look that the older man ignores, and turns his attention to Vanessa. Her demeanor is still tense, but the look on her face is affectionate when he meets her eyes.

 

“Anything I should worry about?” he asks, glancing between them as they share a look.

 

“Nothing of importance,” Malcolm tells him with a smile that is meant to be reassuring.

 

“Are you hungry?” Vanessa asks, clearly asking him to drop the subject. Ethan decides to do so; after all, they weren’t shouting, so it couldn’t have been _that_ important or urgent.

 

He nods, and Vanessa turns to Malcolm and asks, “Shall we all go out then? I’m not sure what food we have here.”

 

Ethan feels a stab of guilt at the remembrance of Sembene, and Vanessa’s attempt at avoiding mention of him. He manages to answer, “Sure.”

 

“You two have fun,” Malcolm says, “I must continue making arrangements for my trip.”

 

With that he leaves, and Ethan is alone with Vanessa once more.

 

“Shall we go?” she asks after a long moment of silence, an amused look on her face.

 

He nods, and follows her out to leave. Vanessa chooses the restaurant and Ethan lets her; she knows London better than him, after all. Dinner is a quiet but pleasant affair, and Ethan feels relief at seeing Vanessa eat like she’s starving. She had been picking at her food for months now, since the nightcomers had begun their attacks in earnest; she had never seemed to eat much before then either, and so it had made her even frailer looking.

 

They arrive back at Grandage Place a couple of hours later, and in unspoken agreement he follows her up and into her room. He closes the door and she turned towards him, a thoughtful look on her face.

 

“We should leave tomorrow,” she informs him, “Go to the moors.”

 

He frowns, “I’m not sure how safe the moors are, given Roper found us.”

 

Vanessa nods, then replies, “But they’ll give us time to think of a more permanent solution.”

 

“My father sent him, you know,” his voice is quiet, “He’ll keep sending men, too. It’s not just the inspector we have to worry about.”

 

“I think we can take them,” her voice is wry.

 

“I hate that you’d have to give up your life to go on the run with me,” he says.

 

“You’re not asking me to give up anything that I am not offering to give up,” her voice is sharp, “I would rather spend the rest of my life on the run with you than not have you in my life at all.”

 

Ethan is taken aback, staring incredulously at Vanessa. This woman, this incredible woman-if he did not think he deserved her before, he is sure of it now. But there is determination in her face and posture and he knows he must answer her or risk her closing off from him.

 

“I don’t think I’m the man you think I am,” his voice is rough, and he continues before she can interrupt him to protest, “But you’re the kindest woman I have ever known.”

 

They are silent for a long moment after that. Then she moves towards him, a purpose in her stride, until she is in front of him. Vanessa looks up at Ethan, and then she grabs his face in her hands and kisses him. She kisses him hard and fierce, and he responds in kind until they have to break apart for air, both breathing heavily.

 

Their next kiss is no less passionate, but it is more gentle and exploratory. Ethan remembers he has hands and sets them to wandering down her sides, brushing her breasts on their quest to her hips. She lets out a small noise and he pulls her in impossibly closer.

 

Vanessa doesn’t push him away this time, but when she pulls back there’s something in her eyes that stops him from continuing regardless. Ethan waits her out, having a good feeling she’ll explain herself in time if he’s patient.

 

Her eyes are downcast when she begins, “I’m afraid.”

 

“Of what? Me?”

 

“No,” she meets his gaze full on then, “Never of you. Every time I’ve given my heart it’s ended in disaster. You must understand, I’m not… I’ve been with men before.”

 

“I don’t care, but I don’t think I fully understand,” he replies.

 

“The last time I was with a man,” she swallows thickly, “I was possessed.”

 

“Oh,” he breathes, and everything becomes clear to him then. He had suspected this may have been the cause, once Malcolm had said the last time he’d seen Vanessa prior to her possession she had gone out with a man. Ethan’s heart ached for her, so afraid of giving into her desire.

 

“I don’t want to be afraid anymore,” she murmurs, “But I don’t know how…”

 

“Trust that I’ll protect you,” he said softly, “I won’t let that happen to you. Never again.”

 

Her smile is faint and strained, but he relishes it. Ethan moves cautiously, cradling her face in his hands and leaning to kiss her again. She lets him, and deepens the kiss by touching her tongue to his. He lets Vanessa explore his mouth, moving one of his hands to her back to pull her closer. When they pull apart this time, he undoes the pins in her hair, letting it fall loose and he runs his fingers through it, a flash of desire moving through him at the little growl she lets out when he accidentally tugs on it.

 

Her hands move to undo the buttons on his vest, and when that is done, his shirt. She works on undoing his suspenders next. Ethan hisses as she untucks his undershirt from his trousers, her small hands cold against the heat of his stomach as she moves to pull that piece of clothing off him too. He is left in only his trousers before her, and Vanessa roams her eyes hungrily over every inch of his skin that is bared to her. Ethan takes in her hungry stare with aroused amusement at how curious she seems to be.

 

Undressing her is no simple matter, but he is patient and takes his time until she is nearly bare before him. Ethan kisses her again, and begins moving them back towards her bed. When she hits the edge he stops the kiss to pull off both their shoes, socks, and stockings. He removes his trousers and stands fully nude before her, pauses to let her take him in.

 

She removes the rest of her clothing herself in response, hands shaking, whether from desire, fear, or some combination of the two, he is not sure. Vanessa does not break eye contact with him as she does so, and when she too is nude, she lets him look at her.

 

“I’ve never,” she averts her gaze finally, “I’ve never done this like this before.”

 

“Like what?” he asks, but he suspects what her answer will be.

 

“Nude,” she swallows, “I’ve never wanted to, either.”

 

He takes the admission in stride, appreciates how vulnerable it leaves her. Ethan keeps his hands gentle when he reaches out to touch her finally. He watches with fascination as Vanessa’s eyes flutter close and her mouth opens a little when he skims the fingers of one hand along the underside of her breast, the other settled at her hip.

 

“Get on the bed,” he growls, and feels her tremble against his fingers at the tone.

 

She does as she is told, lying with her raven hair splayed across her pillows. His breath catches at the sight of her, and he gives into the part of himself screaming to join her. He covers her small body with his own larger frame, careful to put his weight on his arms. Ethan takes a moment to look at Vanessa’s face, flushed with desire, and leans down to kiss her again.

 

He pulls back and off her, and at her puzzled look he says, “Roll over.”

 

“What?” her brow is furrowed, brain struggling to keep up through a haze of desire.

 

“I want to see it,” he explains, and he doesn't have to say more for her to understand. She becomes guarded again, and he almost regrets asking this of her. But he needs her to know that he wants _all_ of her, even the charred, branded skin on her back.

 

“I’ve never shown anyone it before,” her voice is faint, but she does as she’s told and rolls onto her stomach.

 

He brushes her hair aside and looks at it. His fingers run across it and she stiffens. He retracts his hand to ask, “Does it hurt?”

 

“The skin is dead,” she replies, sounding very far away.

 

His answer is to press kisses onto the skin of her back that isn’t scarred first, so she understands what he intends to do before he moves to brush kisses all over her brand. She is shaking by the end of it, and when he places his hand on her hip and rolls her onto her back he sees that she is crying. His heart aches for her again, and he waits her out.

 

“I’m sorry,” she says.

 

“Don’t be,” he responds immediately. He reaches out to swipe the tears off her cheeks until she is no longer crying.

 

When Ethan is sure Vanessa is fully back with him, he kisses her briefly before moving his lips to her jaw. He kisses his way down her neck down to her collarbones, nipping playfully at a smattering of freckles on her right shoulder, not hard enough to break skin or mark her but it makes her bury a hand in his hair so tightly it’s almost painful. He wants to take his time kissing every inch of her.

 

He is unsure if the noises she makes as he kisses and licks at her breasts could be considered holy or unholy, but Ethan is sure that they are divine. When he reaches her stomach, Vanessa tugs at his hair to get his attention. He relents, moving so he can look down at her face instead. Her eyes are nearly black with desire, and she leans up to meet him halfway in a passionate kiss.

 

When they break apart Ethan looks into her eyes as he moves a hand to her thigh, sliding it upwards until he can run a finger along her, groaning at the wetness he finds there. He keeps his hand between her legs for a while, playing with her until he can tell by the noises she makes and the frantic undulations of her hips that she is close. Only then does he remove his hand in favor of adjusting so he can take himself in hand and push into her.

 

They stay still for a moment as they get used to their joining. Vanessa wraps one of her legs around his waist to urge him to move. Ethan looks in her eyes when he does, and he keeps his pace slow. His hips stutter in their rhythm as she begins to meet his thrusts with her own, her other leg wrapping itself around him as well. He places a hand on her cheek, encouraging her to look at him while they do this, to stay with him.

 

“Ethan,” she whimpers, and her eyes widen with fear.

 

“Just keep looking at me,” he murmurs, slowing his rhythm once more as he leans down to kiss her. She responds almost desperately, and when they pull apart she looks straight up at him.

 

“Trust me,” he continues, “Stay with me.”

 

Their gazes remain locked as Ethan takes his hand off her face and moves so he can reach a hand between her legs again. Her back arches and she gasps out his name as she comes, spasming around him, her nails digging into his shoulders. He waits for her to finish before he speeds up his thrusts again, following suit moments later with her name on his lips. Ethan collapses onto her, and Vanessa holds him close, trembling beneath him.

 

When he pulls back to look at her she’s crying again, but she is smiling too, and leans up to kiss him. When they break the kiss he presses his forehead against hers, revelling in the way she runs her hands across his back.

 

“Thank you,” she says, breaking his heart just a little.

 

“I told you I’d protect you,” he reminds her gently.

 

“You also told me to trust you,” she smiled up at him, “I’m glad that I did.”

 

Ethan responds to her admission by kissing her again. When they stop this time, he pulls back and slips out of her, rolling onto his back and tugging at her so she lands on his chest. He feels Vanessa’s breath even out, and knows she must be close to falling asleep.

 

“In the morning, we’ll go to the moors,” she tells him again.

 

“I know,” he replies, “When is Sir Malcolm leaving?”

 

“Tomorrow as well, I believe,” Vanessa murmurs into his chest, voice slightly slurred with sleep.

 

“Good,” Ethan nods thoughtfully, “Let’s rest while we can.”

 

Vanessa nods her assent against his chest, and Ethan holds her tighter, closing his own eyes. They both sleep restfully that night.


End file.
